I stared at his back waiting for him to bring the fullness of the truth to light. “I don’t want to lead you on,” he said to the wall, “I don’t want you to think that we are a couple.” The truth was, that I knew we were not a couple. The truth was, that what we shared was the past. Oh, but how I wanted to live the lie, if only for a night. I struggled to fight back my sobs as I searched for the right words to say. Finally, I mustered up what little dignity I had left and asked, “How can you say that you don’t feel comfortable letting me spend the night, but yet you felt comfortable enough to have sex with me?” He turned his head, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. His answer was the final insult to my integrity. His answer was the very essence of a lie. A lie he expected me to believe as truth. “I have to get up early in the morning and I don’t want to have you miss out on any sleep because of me.” His answer was almost laughable, tonight sleep would provide little refuge. But it set things in motion.She said, “So, you got to live out your jerk-off fantasy. Was it everything you hoped for?”“Well, it was really for your benefit, not mine - but yes, it was very satisfying.” I didn't let her get the next word. I said, “I am feeling kind of hungry. I think I’ll go over to that Chinese place on Eighth Avenue.”She seemed puzzled. I continued, “I know I have to deal with waiter service but it seems worth it.”“Well, I’m going too.” There was more than a bit of worry in that.“No, I am going by myself.”“But then you’re coming back here, right?” It seemed that her voice was firming up.“No, I’m going home after that.”“Are you going to see that girlfriend of yours?” Somehow that would be an acceptable excuse, I guessed.“I’m not, I just have some things to do. What did you expect?”She said, “I expected that maybe, no, not maybe, but definitely, you would bang me.” She had a strangely formal tone in her voice. I thought of some rich lady dressing down an employee.
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